5 Tips for Navigating the Holidays as a Divorced/Separated Family

As joyful as the Holiday season can be in many ways, it can also pose a number of challenges for families--especially for families of divorce or separation given the added stress of changes to the family unit. To help you better navigate this season, here are 5 of the best methods to minimize stress, focus on the big picture, and keep your holidays happy and bright.

Accept change. Divorce or separation is not a single event but a series of family transitions. Prepare for changing times by discussing what may be different this year from previous years, focusing on positive and negative. Embrace change by creating new family traditions with each parent or caregiver. 

Be Consistent. Keep consistency wherever possible, especially related to schedules, routines, and parenting styles across caregivers. Maintaining some consistency during periods of change can help children feel safe, allow them to set expectations, and ease anxiety.

Take Control. Feeling a lack of control over family issues can lead to significant anxiety in kids and teens. Discuss what situations are within their control and what things may not be in anyone’s control. Help kids and teens feel a sense of control during this stressful time by allowing them to make age-appropriate decisions. For example, ask for their input when planning holiday schedules and family activities. 

Validate and Reflect Emotions. During emotionally overwhelming times, sometimes kids and teens just need to have their feelings validated. Practice observing your child’s words and actions and reflect back what emotions you might be observing. For example, “I notice you’re being very quiet and I wonder if you’re feeling sad.” Even if you identify the wrong emotion, this gives the child an opportunity to correct you and opens the door for more discussions.

Be Authoritative. A parenting style that is warm and nurturing, but that also implements effective discipline and protection from conflict is associated with positive outcomes in children, even for children of divorced parents. While it may be tempting to be lenient with discipline during stressful times, maintaining rules and boundaries will help children feel cared for and protected—even if they don’t show it in the moment!